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I don't know if this is true elsewhere in the English-speaking world but in the USA, and particularly among people of Generation X, "get" is slang for "understand."
So the title of this babble is sort of a pun. If you take it to mean I don't understand men, or that I can't get-as-in-obtain a man, either is equally true.
It is not too often I am clever with my whining, so let's pretend I did that on purpose.
Okay, I'm not really whining. I'm just confused.
Blowjobs. Let's talk about blowjobs for a sec. If I'm gonna write about how weird men are, this ought to be the first item on the list. Men love blowjobs. Men wax lyrical about blowjobs. Men will spend hundreds of dollars to obtain blowjobs. Men will cry that their wives and girlfriends don't love them when those men don't get blowjobs.
What's a man say, though, when he really hates you?
Right. "Suck my dick!"
They're like this about sex in general. It's the best thing in the world. They literally reordered society to make it easier for most of them to get laid, up to and including treating women as second-class citizens because if we're broke and desperate, we're more likely to fuck them. The entire rock music genre is driven by men's desire to get laid, for crying out loud.
What do they call a woman who's had sex, or who wants to have it? "Dirty." "Nasty." I won't even repeat the worst labels they use.
Never occurs to them to wonder where all that hypothetical dirt came from.
"My girlfriend is boring. She just lays [sic] there."
"You're too good at this. You enjoy this too much. Whore."
They tell us that being wives and mothers is our highest calling as women -- seriously, they are still saying this shit; they even yell at women who deliberately avoid participating in either institution ("You will spend old age alone, you unnatural thing!") -- but what do they say when we marry them? That we "trapped" them. That we're "the old ball and chain." What happens when they get us pregnant? Oh, their lives are over. And they shouldn't have to do half the childcare. They work, thank you very much. But you better give them half the custody when you get fed up with them, or you're a parental-alienating bitch.
He earns more money than a woman does in the same job with the same amount of experience. He denies this to anyone who points it out, even if you show him evidence.
He doesn't want to do anything but work at his place of employment and then throw money at all his problems outside of work.
Then he cries that everyone uses him as an ATM machine.
He makes a point of dating women who are economically inferior, and the poorer the better. If she's broke she has to stay with him and fuck him, right?
Then he calls her a gold-digger.
If you wear makeup or style your hair or "fix" your nose or tits you're trying to "trick" them, but if you go around au naturel -- just like they do -- you're "letting yourself go."
It occurs to me that I really don't know what a grown woman actually looks like.
We've all been remodeled into living Barbie dolls because that's what men see in porn, so that's what men expect from us. Even those of us not really participating in beauty culture have got some damn thing we "correct" out of self-consciousness.
For me, that's lip fuzz. It's not heavy, but I know I grow it, so I keep it shaved off.
I have never, and I mean ever, complained about a man losing his hair. My favorite man in the whole world is half bald by now and you know what? I'd climb him like a fucking tree, because I don't base my opinion of someone's sex appeal or personal worth on how many dead skin cells are growing out of their fucking head. Or anywhere else on their body.
You know how conservative men always complain about "libtards"?
Three out of five of my most recent exes are right-wingers and were when I was involved with them. The ones who weren't were still anti-feminist. They just said whatever would get them laid. (Their general behavior and attitude, of course, said otherwise.)
Every one of them was aware of my political inclinations. That didn't deter them one bit. It's like they got off on crossing the political tracks.
Bet your male Republican friends never told you they were into screwing Democrats. Well, okay, that's kind of their whole purpose in life. But they usually don't mean that literally.
Men cry all damn day long about women being "misandrists."
"Why do you hate men so much?"
Look at the crime stats sometime. Look at the war records. The population which is the greatest danger to men is... other men.
Maybe if they'd stop abusing us for five minutes, they might be able to start sorting that out.
MEN: You can't play in our sports. You can't share our hobbies. You can't have these jobs that pay a lot of money, they're our jobs. Don't wear that. It's ours. Don't buy that. It's ours. Don't do that. It's not feminine.
ALSO MEN: We'll never understand one another. Sigh. Why are men and women so different?
ALSO MEN: Don't say "anatomy." It's transphobic.
MEN: I won't date fat women. They're disgusting and they need to be more concerned about their health.
ALSO MEN: I'm chubby. AND sexy. I deserve to fuck a SUPERMODEL.
MEN: I don't ever look at porn.
ALSO MEN: [accidentally sends you a porn image in chat]
(This actually happened to me.)
MEN: Of course I look at porn. I'm a man. I'm visually stimulated.
ALSO MEN: Hey, quit smiling at that guy. With all his clothes on. In public. That's cheating.
MEN: Why do women always overlook me and date all the assholes?
ALSO MEN: [ignores the woman actually interested in him and goes into a fraught and dramatic short marriage which he rarely or never mentions again afterwards]
(This also happened to me. Sort of more than once, actually.)
To most men, there are two kinds of women in the world: the kind they want to fuck, and the kind they want to get serious with.
Then they cry that their wives won't fuck them.
I lost my virginity at seventeen. I'm forty-seven and two months out from my birthday as I write this. That adds up to nearly thirty-one years' worth of this nonsense.
I'm so fucking tired. Y'all figure it out. I will go get some (more) hobbies now.
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Last updated: 15 November 2021