adventures in astrology

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Okay, okay, roll your eyes. I know astrology is not a science. I consider it an art and a basically harmless hobby. People pay good money to watch bad movies, take dangerous drugs, and eat junk food and frankly, I would get more out of a good natal chart reading, and I'd only have to do it the one time.

I do agree the "daily horoscopes" are largely nonsense. If you are going to buy into the idea that the stars cause (probably not) or reflect (more likely) your general life path, you have to take all the zodiac signs into account, because they all play major roles in (or reflecting) your particular situation. Put simply, no two Virgos are exactly alike when one's got Aries for a rising sign and another's got Scorpio.

Do huh? What the fuck am I on about? Right. You clicked on this babble to roll your eyes at me, then stayed because I was talking. You're not familiar with any of this.

Fair enough. I just wanted to share some stories anyway.

The most fun I ever had sharing astrology with someone was when I was looking over my favorite astrology book with a guy I was friendly-fucking back in the Army. He was a Gemini with several other major Gemini influences besides his Sun, and we'd go into the sections discussing those planetary placements, read his description in each one, and laugh our asses off because the author nailed him. Good times.

The least fun I ever had sharing astrology with someone was when I was dating a literal triple Aquarius: Sun, Moon, and I think Ascendant (rising). Worst. Boyfriend. Ever. There are two kinds of Aquarians because the sign is ruled by both Saturn and Uranus and one always features more strongly than the other in any given person's natal chart. The Uranus-dominant types tend to be quirky, sort of Aspergers-like, and may annoy the fuck out of you with their chronic absentmindedness and complete failure to read social cues but are essentially harmless. I'm pretty sure Bill wasn't a Uranus-type. An anus, sure. But very Saturnian. He'd have a difficult night at work (fair enough; he was a 911 dispatcher) and then spend all his time off alone in his bedroom with almost literal dark thunderclouds hanging over him and not speak to anyone. He was arrogant, which came off as confidence at the time but wasn't so nice when he weaponized it against you. You had to walk on eggshells around him because the dumbest shit would set him off. Our breakup was especially hell. That's a story in and of itself and I'll probably share it elsewhere. Nearly twenty years later I still can't quite believe it.

I've heard that the two most difficult Moon sign placements are Scorpio and Capricorn. I was raised by my dad and my stepmom primarily. One has Scorpio Moon, the other Capricorn (I forget which has which). Let's just say I can vouch for the claim.

But the oddest astrological something-or-other I've experienced had to do with my own Moon sign, which is Leo. (Also a difficult Moon sign, but that's not the point.)

In 1992, in Army specialty training, I met this guy and we had an affair. Yes, it was a literal affair; this will be me confessing to breaking Army regulations and messing about with a married guy. Bit too late to do anything about it. I'm not sure why Eddy and I each found the other so compelling, but we did, and that's all she wrote. Anyway, come graduation day he left for Fort Bragg and I assumed I'd never see him again. He called me at work two years later and we spent Thanksgiving weekend together. Had he not gone home and proceeded to screw everything on two legs, that probably would have gone somewhere.

In 1995 I met Mike, the guy I ended up marrying. I got pregnant later that year, so he gave me my first child. Well after we got involved with one another, I thought to look up his birth info. Pisces Sun... but Leo Moon, just like me.

That ended in 1999, and three years later I met Matt and we didn't get married but we would spend most of the next twenty years acquainted because he gave me my second child. Checked his chart at some point early in the relationship. Aquarius/Pisces cusp (it's one or the other; we can't check the birth time because he's stepparent-adopted and his original birth certificate's sealed), and... Leo Moon.

Okay, well...

After he and I broke up in 2007 (but we would remain closely acquainted, though not sexual with one another, for a long time afterward), I found out Eddy had been looking for me online. So we got back in touch by phone. We never saw one another in person again, but we were on-again off-again with the contact and the phone conversations. One day I realized I had never known his birth info aside from the date, so I asked him if he knew. He did, he shared, and I looked him up.

Capricorn Sun like me, which I already knew. Guess what Moon sign.

Nope. Not even kidding.

He was kind of an abusive asshole, reading between the lines on how he behaved toward his relationships in general (I was never "officially" his girlfriend, though there were times he acted a mite possessive of me), and he fathered his last child fairly late in life -- during that last period that he and I were in touch, in fact -- so I have the funniest feeling that if we'd physically gotten together again, I'd have been the babymama, and it probably wouldn't have gone well.

(Does it sound like he's dead? He is. Passed away in 2012, almost twenty years after I'd met him. I still don't know how; he was only forty-four.)

Needless to say, at this point I'm kind of afraid to so much as stand downwind from a man with a Leo Moon. It's silly, because probability dictates I run into such men on a regular basis when I am out in public, and obviously it hasn't triggered parthenogenesis in me or anything, so of course it would take more than casual proximity. Duh.

But that didn't stop me from freaking the fuck out when I looked up the guy I'm interested in lately.

I don't know his birth time and have no way to ask him, so my only option was to set his birth time at 12 noon.

And guess what.

Guess fucking what.

No, not Leo Moon. Cancer/Leo Moon cusp! The Moon changed signs on the day of his birth, around 11am or so!

I've since run across someone else's rendering of his chart and apparently they had access to his birth time and, at least according to them, he's a morning baby and is a Cancer Moon after all. Which sort of fits because he has a close relationship with his mother. (Both the sign Cancer and the Moon are to do with mothers.) But it'll take being able to ask him personally what time he was born before I have absolute confidence in that. And that's probably never going to happen.

I did not go to all this trouble to cultivate a crush on a completely unobtainable man just to have to worry about the usual relationship bullshit, though, so it doesn't really matter.

Still pretty fucking funny, though. Life is truly stranger than fiction.


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Last updated: 15 November 2021